So I’ve been shaving my puss a little over five years straight. Among those years I’ve gathered a plethora of information on how I can shave the best. I was actually just in the shower and I realized that I’ve seen an astounding amount of posts in this subreddit on how to go about shaving “down there,” so I figured I ought to make a guide. Keep in mind a few things as you go into my shaving recipe: this isn’t going to be too ball friendly as I don’t have any (tips I have should still apply, however), when I shave I shave EVERYTHING and no hair stays, and this is what works for me which may not work for you. Oooookay now lets get to the fun stuff.
WHAT YER GONNA NEED:
- Hair clippers meant for the crotch region. If you have a big bush or really anything that is longer than a grain of rice, you shouldn’t shave it. You should get clippers and buzz it off before you shave.
- A bar of soap with scrubby beads in it. Preferably unscented. Other options are getting an exfoliating glove, pad, or even a roughish wash cloth. Ladies, do not use a sugar scrub on your yes zone. Sugar and vaginas do not like each other.
- A razor you know works with your skin. I personally use a razor by Schick for that area. dedicate this razor for the crotchal area only
- Baby oil. Yup, baby oil. I Prefer to use Johnson’s baby oil in the scent Shea butter so I don’t smell like a baby. An alternative I just found out is a baby oil gel by the same brand. I think this actually works even better than the baby oil itself, but clogs the razor a little more. Either way, clean your razor very well after using.
- Witch-hazel. Brand doesn’t matter. You can get a bottle pretty much anywhere (Rite-Aid, Walmart, Walgreens etc.)
- A light, unscented, designed for sensitive skin, moisturizer. I personally use a knock-off of Cerave’s moisturizer.
OKIE DOKIE KITTENS, NOW YOU HAVE ALL YOUR STUFF WE CAN GET SHAVIN’
Used with permission from http://apolloniasaintclair.tumblr.com/
WHAT YER GONNA DO:
- If, like I mentioned before, your hair is longer than a grain of rice, you’ll need to give your crotch a buzz cut. I recommend doing this over a toilet. Men, I’ve heard that using those on your precious sack could end really badly so I’m not sure if this step is for the friends. Maybe just the top part? Anywho, for the ladies, you can use this all over. Be careful though, the angel can pinch the skin and feel ouchie. Shave up and down and side to side, you can shave down on the lips too but be very cautious. If you want your booty-hole smooth and happy, you can spread eagle in front of a mirror and go to town. Careful around there because the little wrinkles can get pinched easily.
- So now that you’re staring at the remnants of your old bushy friend, it’s time to flush and step into the shower. Wash your body first. Let the steam relax all the lil hairs. After a couple minutes bust out your exfoliating device. I have a bar of soap with scrubbies. Use that in circular motions (not too hard) all around the mound/top part
- Slather up with your oil of choice. I always start with the mound by working in strokes with the hair. Usually that means in downwards strokes. Shave everything that can be shaved with these strokes before getting fancy. Continue applying the oil as needed. Once all the hair has been removed by downwards strokes: oil up again, pull the skin taught and go against the grain of the hair. Usually this means upwards. Use a tad lighter pressure when doing this. It’s okay if you bleed a little, but learn from your mistakes on how to be more gentle with yourself but still get the job done.
- Once you’re out of the shower, pat the area dry with a clean towel and apply your Witch-hazel. This will mostly likely sting a wee bit. IF YOU DON’T PUT THIS ON, YOU’LL BE AN ITCHY MOTHERFUCKER. THE TWO SECONDS OF STINGING IS AN OBVIOUS CHOICE TO A WEEK OF HELL-FIRE CROTCH
- Apply your gentle moisturizer
- If you can’t go without wearing panties/undies, wear some that let your lovely junk get a breath of fresh air.
NOW YOU HAVE SOME NICE N’ SOFT GENITALIA, GO PLAY.
- How often do I shave? – I don’t have a set schedule. Commonly every other day, but some days I have to shave twice in a row.
- What kind of hair do you have? – I have black, course hair. Dark as the night and grows like weeds.
- Is this razor bump/ingrown free? – Yes, there’s a reason you use baby-oil instead of the alternatives. It is very gentle on the skin and non irritating. There is also a reason you use Witch-hazel. This is a clarifying step and will help tighten your hair follicles so as there is much less of a chance for bumpy awfulness.
- How do you shave the lips? – I shave by using the same way I described. I shave using downwards strokes followed by upwards strokes; leg up on the tub doing some hunchback of notradame shit so I can see kinda. The leg on the tub trick pulls the skin taught a bit, but I’d suggest to do that with your free hand, too (as others have commented also, thank you for the reminder. So silly I forgot about that part). I personally do not have labia that protrude, but for the ladies that do, I would imagine the other hand could cover them/pull the skin taught.
- What kind of razor do you use?: I use this one.
“For guys: What you’ll need: A razor, don’t go cheap on this one and make sure it’s sharp. I use a Gillette fusion and make sure to take good care of the blades. Again, a dull razor will increase the risk of ingrown hairs and irritated skin. Conditioner, from what I have noticed it helps the “glide” and also slightly softens the hairs. Coconut oil, for afterwards, trust me on this. a loofah, or a skin scrubbing thingy. a hot shower (duh) What you do: Get in the shower, wash yourself off, do what you normally do in the shower. When washing the groin area make sure you scrub carefully with the loofah thingy. Carefully does not mean hard, this is to make sure you have removed most dirt and stuff from the area. Turn up the heat of the water as much as you are comfortable with and spend some time rinsing of the area. Apply some conditioner to the area Shave as instructed in the OP. Some tips include shaving with the “grain” first and then shave in a 90° angle from that (this works for the face to btw), begin at the top and shave off as much as you wish, then move on to the shaft. While shaving the shaft (for those that have hair creeping up there, me included) I have noticed that it helps if you have an erection, sadly they don’t work on command so do what you can. I make sure I stretch the skin so it’s as straight as possible and then I shave in long, determined but not to hard strokes. The balls! This is a tricky area because that skin can stretch something fierce and the hairs are usually pretty sparse. I usually start on one side, stretch the skin so I can get a decently level surface and then I proceed as before. I start on one side and progressively move to the other side. You may want to check the area again when you are done. The “rest”. You may proceed as far back as you feel comfortable (personally I don’t like crack hair) but this is where you can’t see anymore and have to rely on touch. Reach is also slightly to severely impaired and these together with razorblades in that area does pose some risk. Try to spread as much as you can and proceed with caution. Rinse off and step out of the shower. If you feel so inclined give the area a check to see if you are happy with the results before this. Aftercare: Dry yourself off, spend some extra time in the crotch area and make sure you are dry there. I have no idea of what Witch-hazel is but if you do, apparently it works great against itching so why not give it a go? Coconut oil! Now this is just a preference of mine so you can go ahead and use some other moisturizer (preferably mild and unscented) but I find the oil works best. As you might expect you simply apply desired amount of oil to the entire area and while you are at it apply it to other parts of your body as well. It’s a great lotion and while some of you may laugh and find it unmanly it’s all up to you but try it for a week if you dare. Done!”