Just wanted to let everyone here know how helpful this discussion has been for me. the poly couple i have been talking to has insisted that i need to choose a primary, and it is relieving to know that others feel the way that i do about this. that is, that choosing a primary and secondary feels like it is denoting a hierarchy or indicating the relative strength of feeling for each partner.
Your words especially resonated with me. why compare them? enjoy each relationship for what it is and each individual for who they are.
thank you ^^