I’ve been a swinger for almost ten years, and am new to the kink side of things. We like to go to one of the local swing clubs sometimes, but we prefer house parties because it’s a bit more intimate but still possibility for a lot of action. I’d suggest joining a swinger site (we use SLS) and seeing what’s around you. Some people will be comfortable playing on the 1st date, some will want to meet and talk for awhile first. Find out what you are comfortable with as a couple, then let other potential couples know as well. Some reserve kissing only for their partners because it is felt as more intimate than sex. Some couples may play separately, others may only play together. Just like with kink play, you just wanna have your rules and boundaries set up in advance.
There’s an understood rule in swinging, “no means no and don’t ask why” (because you may not want to know) Basically if you don’t want to play with someone, just politely say no thanks.
Swing clubs can get a little expensive in some places, but it’s a good way to get to know people. Also, make sure you’re clear on poly issues. Most swingers I know are not poly. The usual rule in the circles I’ve tread is “if you start to have feelings, it’s time to stop seeing that couple/person.” So if you are poly, it’s ok to tell a potential swing partner so, but don’t expect they’ll necessarily want to date.
It’s a fun thing, but it’s not for everyone. If you get into it and don’t like it, it’s no biggie. 🙂