My hubby & I are considering polyamory. We both text, chat, sext frequently throughout the day, but generally not so much when we’re together because that is OUR quality time. However, lately – and especially the past couple days since I picked him up from work he has sexted nonstop and been very secretive. We usually share info about our potentials. Now we’re. not even speaking and I am furious! What do I do? I’ve never had to deal with this before.
I think you have a right to speak with him about it. If you have not set any ground rules, now may be the time to have a straightforward and equitable talk about your feelings and needs. Remember he will need to be able to do the same. It can be a hard thing to want to share your new relationships with your spouse but as long as you both respect the others feelings and don’t modify any rules or agreements that you have made with each other without consulting each other then things will be easier. Note I did not say easy, just easier.
Honey, I hate to put a damper on things, but if you guys are just considering poly as an option, and you are already feeling this way… and he is already (seemingly) keeping stuff from you… and your best coping mechanism is to cut off communication?
You know where I’m going with this. Be aware of how challenging just casual swinging can be, and then multiply that for polyamory. The cure for communication problems is more communication, not less.
Just tell him you have noticed the increase in texting, whatever, and you are waiting for him to tell you what is going on. No demands, just take the cover of intrigue away from him, and let him know he ain’t quite as slick as he thinks, so he has to come out with it, and sooner is better than later.
The second there are secrets and lack of open communication you have every right to question why. The entire idea of being a swinging couple is there is no reason or need for hiding anyrhing. Especially anything involving sexual activities. If distrust and deceit and insecurity raise their ugly heads in a relationship, there are definitely issues to be addressed.
THANK YOU.. I appreciate the support.
We talked this morning. made up then had two rounds of make up sex!
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