July 29, 2014 at 7:35 pm #2630
My husband and I have been talking about doing it, but honestly I don’t know where to even begin. How do you pick out a couple? Do you set rules up? Do you watch? So curious.July 29, 2014 at 7:45 pm #2631
I’m sure everyone is different,but here is my 2 cents.
First you have to find another couple you are both physically attracted to. I don’t know how many times my lady and I looked at a couple and went “Oh,she’s cute,we could have some fun with her but her man is flat nasty.”. So you need to make sure both of you find both partners of the other couple attractive and acceptable
Next,you have to get to know them. Chat with them and discuss things you like and what you don’t like. My lady will give head,but I’m the only one allowed to cum in her mouth. You have to communicate things like that.
If you have never done any kind of activity like this,it might be a good idea to start with just same room sex. Then you can progress to just the girls playing together,soft swapping and then try full swap once you are comfortableJuly 29, 2014 at 7:46 pm #2632
I would suggest you do a little research on they “lifestyle” before taking part. It’s a good idea the to get a good understanding of the type or rules or etiquette different groups or couples follow. I photograph a lot of swingers in the lifestyle and participate in several “swinging” groups on Facebook. Each lifestyle group varies a bit in how the conduct themselves. It’s important to find a group that is welcoming and operates in a way you and your hubby are comfortable with.
You should be clear with your husband what you are both looking to get out of this experience. Determine whether you are interested in full swap or just bringing another person into your lives for “playtime”. It can be a lot of fun and with the right type of interactions very fulfilling but a single bad experience could be very damaging. I think going in edjucated can make a huge difference.
Ok that’s my perspective. I hope this is helpful.July 29, 2014 at 7:52 pm #2633
I’ve been a swinger for almost ten years, and am new to the kink side of things. We like to go to one of the local swing clubs sometimes, but we prefer house parties because it’s a bit more intimate but still possibility for a lot of action. I’d suggest joining a swinger site (we use SLS) and seeing what’s around you. Some people will be comfortable playing on the 1st date, some will want to meet and talk for awhile first. Find out what you are comfortable with as a couple, then let other potential couples know as well. Some reserve kissing only for their partners because it is felt as more intimate than sex. Some couples may play separately, others may only play together. Just like with kink play, you just wanna have your rules and boundaries set up in advance.
There’s an understood rule in swinging, “no means no and don’t ask why” (because you may not want to know) Basically if you don’t want to play with someone, just politely say no thanks.
Swing clubs can get a little expensive in some places, but it’s a good way to get to know people. Also, make sure you’re clear on poly issues. Most swingers I know are not poly. The usual rule in the circles I’ve tread is “if you start to have feelings, it’s time to stop seeing that couple/person.” So if you are poly, it’s ok to tell a potential swing partner so, but don’t expect they’ll necessarily want to date.
It’s a fun thing, but it’s not for everyone. If you get into it and don’t like it, it’s no biggie. 🙂July 29, 2014 at 7:57 pm #2634
#1 rule: COMMUNICATION
#2 – MORE COMMUNICATION
#3 – have some sort of “safe words” or “gesture” or something to be able to pull the eject handle in ANY situation. then pull yourselves away and COMMUNICATE as to what happened – why you ejected yourselves, etc….
#4 – did i mention COMMUNICATION?
know that even my b/f & myself after 4 years still have rules & change them. we do this with ease due to communication. what once was a hard limit before – may not be today, or in the future…..
xoxoxoxoJuly 29, 2014 at 7:58 pm #2635
Unfortunately though some swinging clubs can get pretty pretentious after they’ve been open for a while. My bf & I are looking to get back into it as well and cant decide how best to go about it. We were both in it before with different partners and have different ideas of what would be an easier/lower pressure way to delve back in. He’s used to playing directly with 1 couple that you meet from a site whereas I find parties to be a very low pressure way to mingle with like-minded folk and get a feel for any chemistry you might have with them. Do keep in mind though that it’s much more difficult finding chemistry between 4 people rather than 2 and if you don’t set up some kind of tell/safeword or way to indicate you’re not into someone you could end up in a “taking 1 for the team” situation which will likely put you off trying it again. But I would go into whatever situation with the idea that you don’t play unless everyone is into it. Don’t let other people or your inexperience expressing your needs/wants to put you in a situation you aren’t comfortable with.July 29, 2014 at 8:01 pm #2636
finding play partners is about chemistry. Here is a bit of basic advice for the beginner:
1. DO NOT ATTEMPT SWINGING TO FIX A BROKEN RELATIONSHIP. I cannot stress that point enough. I’m not suggesting that you and your husband have any issues, but swinging only works in the confines of a healthy, stable relationship.
2. As stated by almost everyone else, communication is key. Never be afraid to say no. That applies to potential play partners, active play partners AND to your other half. No matter the situation, you have the right to stop ANY activity you are uncomfortable with, including activity you’re not an active participant in (i.e. your partner is engaging in something with someone else that raises a red flag).
3. Set your rules, BEFORE you play. If there is anything you can imagine making either partner uncomfortable, make it off limits. Don’t go into any situation without limits, until you know your boundaries. Rules can change, be added to, deleted, or modified at any later time, but they should be set between you two, prior to any alcohol fueled swing fest.
4. Many swinger websites/groups host meet and greets. These are low pressure social events, usually held in local bars, or nightclubs, where you can meet other like minded couples. For the beginners, they are a great way to meet folks without expectations of getting naked immediately, as is often the case at a swingers club, or house party.
5. Bring your own protection. This rule should be common sense, but doubly applies here. You and your partner are likely used to sex without a condom, therefore they become an afterthought. You are both responsible for your own, and your partners, sexual health.
6. Discuss the experience after the fact. This can’t be overlooked. Swinging has many positives, one of which is how easily it becomes to talk to your partner after you have watched each other have sex with other people. But the experience needs to be shared, and discussed, and explored after. This allows you to modify the rules, and to figure out better ways to proceed in the future.
7. Avoid Adult Friend Finder. Far too many fakes, scams, and single dudes just looking to perv on pics (not that there is anything wrong with the last part). Better sites exist, SLS and SDC among them, but, as with any personals site, proceed with caution, as none are “foolproof”.
Best of luck, and happy swinging! Let us know how it goes for you!July 29, 2014 at 8:02 pm #2637
Hi and welcome to the lifestyle! It will take you time to settle in, as what you will be exploring runs contrary to everyday rules and conventional morals, but don’t let this put you off. Sex with more than just one other person is completely natural and one of life’s great pleasures – my wife and I both agree on all that.
We have been swingers for 10 years now, and went through the various stages steadily. Looking back, we know that was right for us. First, we discussed the idea of swinging and were happy to give it a try. She was a bit more reluctant than me as she had worries about women being used as sex objects and that the swinging game was all about male lusts and pleasure (she was happy to find this is completely wrong!). We then visited a swinger club, and saw people in playrooms, fucking happily with others alongside them doing the same, while other people (like us) watched. We got nude and joined in, not interacting with others on this first visit. Sex surrounded by others was wonderful and any minor reservations we might have had soon went in the sexually-charged atmosphere of the playroom.
The next day we discussed everything, and both of us were keen to keep swinging and take things further. Rose was reluctant to fuck with another man at this stage, but was very keen to soft-swing, I was ready to fuck another woman but agreed to go at her pace. So on our next club visit we got talking to another couple in the bar and explained our situation. We went to a playroom, swapped partners and did everything short of fucking – when we were all ready we changed back to our own partners for that. We did that with two other couples on that visit and carried on that way for several more visits. Again, we discussed everything fully the days after.
A few months after we started, Rose felt ready for a full swap and when we found a couple to play with, we went “all the way” (with condoms). That was a major step in our evolution, and that evening we fucked with a second couple and ended the night joining in an orgy. We agreed next day that it all felt right and we both really wanted to continue swinging.
Now we were full or hard swingers, we found ourselves invited to join others in their homes for 4somes and sex-parties. We began inviting others back to our place for the same fun. Group-sex is now completely natural for us and has become a regular pleasure. We have made some really good friends; some we bareback with, some we holiday with, some we do both with. One discovery we made early on was that swingers are normal people who just love sex more than the average person.
So my advice would boil down to – 1. communicate, constantly; discuss things before you swing and analyze things afterwards; this helps dispel jealousy which can ruin things. 2. don’t rush, go at the pace of the slowest. 3. No means no, whoever you are playing with, don’t get talked into something you’re not happy with or ready for; 4. HAVE FUN! Swinging is all about expanding your horizons, pushing your boundaries. Live your fantasies – you will probably try bisexuality, DPing, GBing and may well love them!
Good luck, would love to know how you get on! Please post your experiences for everyone to read.
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