I don’t know how it is with other cultures but I’ve noticed that there are exceptional rope tops who have massive egos and one’s that don’t. Most of it seems to deal with the person in general. Rope is simple, it’s people that are complicated. The percentage in bondage is about the same that it is anywhere else. In everything that we do there are people with inflated egos made of glass and people who are simply awesome without being an asshole about it. The most ego I’ve ever seen was in the vanilla world of sport cracking.

I can understand how easy it is to develop an unhealthy ego. If you have ‘the bug’ then you practice more and you improve faster than many of your peers who don’t have ‘the bug’. Pretty soon after that you have your selection of willing uke and you keep hearing how amazing you are. If you hear something often enough you’re probably going to start believing it. It’s one of the reasons that I prefer constructive feedback by a small handful of people that I know have no fear in letting me know where I can improve. I’m not going to lie, positive feedback following a performance or a scene feels good. I get a warm tingle down my spine but I don’t let it go to my head.

In conclusion, feel free to compliment people, it makes them feel good. If you’re the one getting complimented don’t let it go to your head. Bear in mind that you can always do better and there’s probably someone better than yourself out there.

A good book on recreational/non-relationship sex (aka swinging) is “Together sex”.

Poly is having multiple relationship, it does not means that there must be on equal footings, I have learned that everybody is different and each situation is unique so no need to fit yourself in a one-size fits all.

What you describe are two relationships. One can say that it is unfair to place the burden of fulfilling all of your needs on one relationship, for exemple you might want a hiking partner or a sex partner if your relationships do not fulfill these needs. Onnthe other hand if a relationship becomes empty you might consider moving away – loving the person is not a good criteria for deciding to stay with somebody, but it can be a factor. I know I love a good number of people and want them to be happy, but that does not mean I want or can live with them or even have a continuing relationship with them, even if they state that this would make them happy.

In other words, you have to decide what to do. First be happy, then decide what relationships you want to have, then find non-relationship partners for the remaining needs.

Not like titles or categories really matter for this conversation but I would say your bouncing on the line between an open relationship and a poly relationship.

To me it sounds like your really in the danger zone with your relationship. If your relationship is the most important thing do yourself a favor and cut the other guy loose asap. no contact. Normally I would never say that. But I also do NOT recommend Poly, Open, swinging etc to fix a current relationship. Your getting emotionally involved partly because you want to. You need to take ownership of that. Partly because there is a void, partly because of other reasons like the newness of it, etc.

In the 12 years I have been swinging I have seen many a poly relationship fail. Love triangles are not easy to handle. In fact never have I seen one succeed. But again finding myself slightly off topic.

I think you should date multiple men for the fun of the quart-ship and sex. It really needs to be enough people that you do not think about any of them in a way that threatens your relationship until you get a hold of those feelings and how better to compartmentalize them.

The one true answer is it depends. On the flogger, on the person using it, on your mindset, if you’re restrained, etc.

I use a big, heavy, thuddy flogger, and alterate it with belts, crops, a sharp mini flogger, etc.
After a nice gradual warm up, I increase the intensity. Veronica says that she starts to float, and about a half our in, she’s taking some very hard strikes with no problems.

The keys are a good warmup, and constant communication with your Master

Being flogged is quite possibly my favorite thing in the hole world. seriously.

I have an adorable (actually didn’t cost a fortune), heavy, soft suade flogger; I think about 40 falls/tails, long enough to work; short enough for it to be easily handled by Sir, or Ma’am.

Back, bottom, thighs, when I’m bound down on the bed; or not restrained, starting gently… not just ‘flogging’ with it; being caressed across my skin too… takes about five minutes and I’m already in a very submissive place in my head, then increased in intensity… harder, but thuddy, and, I’m starting to bliss out… and just want more… harder still, getting some sting, and lots of thud, quick succession of ‘strikes, some longer gaps… moving about in different locations on me… I find it so relaxing, because of how my mind can just go so deep into submission (not even talking about subspace yet), and then, if Sir/Ma’am wants, moving on to harder flogging, or changing to paddle, etc, and the subspace can start to loom on the horizon…

We’ve also a lot smaller overly painful one, which is sort of harder leather, and really less good; being smaller you’d think it hurt less…. oh no, that’s got quite a sting… sometimes Sir will use that one me, when he sees I’m blissing out a lot; sometimes he’ll use some sting from that smaller flogger (or a cane), to almost ‘bring me back’, If I’m shooting off into lala land too quickly (afterall I can become quite usefless to serve his needs, if I’m so blissed out I’m the equavelent of on a drug-high)…

Ahh. yes, I rather like floggers; experiment and try… its the only way; I’ve rarely found them truely painful (not at all like caning, having a crop used, or a serious paddling etc)

I hope that whatever happened was not done under sad circumstances and will not leave a bad taste in your mouth in regards to this whole lifestyle.

You are young and there is so much ahead of you. Whatever the case continue to educate yourself on everything. The resources these days are vast and detailed. For starters, have a stroll through many of the groups here. Of course there is always the chance of running into drama. That cannot be helped.

And above all, do not get suckered into a M/s relationship that degrades and isolates you from family and friends. That is a situation best avoided.